Everything I can't stop thinking about, again

new month, new fixations

What’s funny about making this a recurring article topic is that the window of time I’m fixated on something has been shrinking. They do not last as long as they used to; my attention span is hard-fried lol. But I’m embracing it.

I don’t want to paint the picture that fixations are just about hobbies either. Based on the last few articles I wrote, I’ve very clearly been hyper-fixating on time. 

Time is an Illusion: the project

Time is an Illusion: the project pt. 2

Time is an Illusion: the project pt 3.

Part 4 is set to publish next week 🤭

Writing is a gift for me to air my grievances and cope with it all. Hopefully me sharing these random fixations help other neurospicies lean into this tendency and away from the shame of constantly switching where we put our attention. I’ve been recently giving myself permission to DNF books and shows I lose interest in mid-way, and I think the same grace should be extended to other interests/hobbies. Life is too short to force ourselves to stick with something for the sake of consistency or finishing the thing. Drop that shit and pick up the next thing!

The majority of what has stuck from the last time I shared is music (my main stim) and TV. 

Music: loving the foreign girlies

Yseult - I am absolutely obsessed with her. Black French model and artist, she blew my entire wig back with her performance at the Olympics closing ceremony (I couldn’t find a good replay video of the performance, but this was the same song she performed and should still give chills). Then she recently dropped an album with the most mesmerizing live performances I’ve seen in a while. I’ve been playing these at least once a day.

Kali Uchis - I’ve always been a fan of Kali, Columbian-American artist, but this recent album leaning more reggae/latin pop than her usual latin-ish R&B was everything to me. Absolutely loved it. Almost no skips.

Luna Li - a Korean-Canadian alt/indie artist, love every project she’s put out but this most recent one ‘When a Thought Grows Wings’ has a hold on me. The lyricism, the mystical feel, idk I can’t explain it.

Sabrina Carpenter - I’m a carpenter y’all, and I regret not going to her concert. Idk why I’ve been in denial of my love for pop but her and Chappell Roan have me fully ready to embrace it. I think Spotify pushed her on me honestly, but I’m glad they did. There’s a good 5 songs on her recent album that I’ve been singing every day for over a month. But it's an overall genre-blending masterpiece from pop, to R&B, to country, and back to R&B. Chef’s kiss.

Other random stuff I’ve had on repeat daily for a while

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TV: Giving me all the thrill

Suspense, scifi, and actiony thrillers have been heavy in rotation. My partner recommended this show called From for us to watch together and I have to say I’m obsessed. We binged the first season in something like 2 days. Then the second season in a week. We’re on the third season now and it’s all I want to talk about. I’m deep in reddit threads and Youtube videos about all the theories people have. When I say this itches my brain in the most satisfying way I truly do mean it. I LOVE an unpredictable show. And the character development is so good they be having me ready to cry every episode. Ugh, I love it. Show of the year I swear if you haven’t seen it you need to check it out. 

I hated Umbrella Academy’s season 4 so much I had to google wtf happened and found out some drama with Netflix, of course. Outside of this recent season, that show is amazing and unpredictable too. 

Monster the anime is so good I keep stopping to stretch it out. I think it started off very fast-paced and slowed down a bit, but I really want to finish it.  The first 3 episodes will definitely blow your wig back. Highly recommend as a beginner anime.

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Other stuff

It’s more than just entertainment. My hyper-fixations on food could be a whole blog series on its own. However, I do want to share a current fixation that might change me forever.

Rose. Something in me has been craving rose hard lately. So I bought rose water just to mist the essence on my skin. That helped a little. Then I started craving the smell, so I started using my rose essential oil which helped a little more. Then I started craving the flavor of rose, so I bought rose for tea. Every single night that's all I want is rose. 

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Here’s where I get woo woo, I’m starting to lean into my connection with herbs, and I think I'm ready to study herbalism. It’s been on my heart for years, much heavier as of late. So has astrology, which I've also been taking deeper dives on recently.

Okay now walk with me. The week my cravings for rose were most intense, Venus was moving into Scorpio (same as my natal chart) making room for me to visit the topics of love, pleasure, beauty, and in my opinion grief as well. Venus governs the heart chakra, and my heart center has been very off these last few months. Something told me to buy rose tea and research the metaphysical properties. Sure enough, rose is ruled by Venus. Fitting.

Venus Verticordia by Dante Gabriel Rossetti - The title, meaning 'Venus, Changer of the heart', derives from Latin and refers to Venus's ability to turn women's hearts towards virtue

In normal words, the perfect herb (shrub, botanical, same same) spoke to me at the exact time I needed it. I’ve been drinking rose tea almost every single day, and I’ve been doing a lot of journaling on the topic of love and grief. Grieving decisions, people, places, situations, past versions of myself, everything. It’s like she was the key to open my heart center and let it all pour out.

All of that to say — I’m finally pulling the trigger on studying herbalism! I'm most excited to dive into astroherbalism since I don’t hear much about this from others.

For those that don't know, I’m constantly talking about herbs literally all the time (if my mom saw this she’d second it). Shoutout to my friend Marissa for helping me build out a template to start with, because truthfully the main thing holding me back was I couldn’t figure out where to start with the way my mind likes to take in information. Let’s see if I can turn this fixation into a lifelong journey.

Once again, I'm allowing a cycle of fixations to change me. I'm expanding my taste in music, letting myself nerd out over TV in a new way, and starting my official path to herbalism.

What have you been fixated on? I always love to hear.

If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading. I so so appreciate you 🌹