Time is an Illusion: the project pt 3.

Girl slow down

Playing around with my perception of time on a day to day basis has me now thinking about life and time more broadly. I’ve been realizing how fast I move through life. I speed through everything. I speed through work because of our artificially created “fast-paced environment”. I speed walk in public. I speed through cooking like I’m on Master Chef. I rush through a shower. I rush when doing my hair. What am I running from? Or is the better question what am I rushing towards?

I remember rushing through college. My degree program was supposed to take 5 years and would have taken longer if I stuck with the preferred plan. I wanted to double major in accounting and finance while having economics as my minor. I dropped everything except finance just to graduate faster. Realizing years later how passionate I am about economics, I’m sad I cut myself short just to graduate sooner. I rushed my time there by not only going above full time during fall/winter semesters, but I also went full time during the summers as well. Never allowed myself to take a true break during my time at college because it’d just mean I’d need to spend more time there. To make it even worse, because that’s my brand at this point, I worked a minimum of one job (often holding two at a time) during my entire time in college as well. Imagine how jarring it was to do all that rushing and overworking just to end up in the corporate world where things never slow down apparently.

I'm still peeling back the layers and conditioning that drove me to do all of that, and I’m ready to slow the fuck down. All the rushing and overworking I’ve done has me chronically burned out at 28.

We’re afraid of feelings. We rush through our lives searching yet not living. For those who have the interest to look closely, life becomes art.

Diane Mariechild

I’ve been catching myself more often and challenging myself to just feel what it’s like to slow down. Like right now, do I really need to type so fast? Slowing down my breathing. Slowing down to savor my meals. When going for my walks lately I’ve been encouraging myself to walk a little slower, giving more attention to the sight around me.

And I’ve been challenging myself to watch videos on normal speed instead of 1.5-2x. If you know you know, this is growth lol.

I think there are layers of destination happiness still within me that I need to work through.

“If I move faster, then…”

“If I achieve this thing soon, then…”

I’m realizing nothing ever really comes after “then”.

So I’m typing slower and breathing normally. I’m trying to avoid thinking about how this article might be interpreted or how the last one did. I’m here right now and my goal is to have a mindful slow dance with the present moment as much as possible.

You must learn to be still in the midst of activity and to be vibrantly alive in repose.

Indira Gandhi

Ending with these vibes - Album ‘Breathe’ by the talented multi-passionate artist Alecia Renece

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In part 4 of this series, I’ll share my plans about being more mindful and continuing to be intentional about time for the Winter months to get ahead of depression season. If you made it this far, I so so appreciate you taking the time to read this. I hope it helped you in some way 🤍